Posts Tagged ‘football book’

Guys: How About Some Sweet Alternatives to the Football Widow Thing?

September 30, 2009

Look, guys: we’re football fans, too. But you’ve all heard the expression, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” And you know it’s true. So why do you insist on making momma a football widow? Trust us: there’s a better way.

Hold on, now, football fans. We’re really not asking you to give up the TV clicker.

Or Sunday Night Football. Or Monday Night Football. Or –even if you’ve got that cool new option that let’s you watch all football games everywhere, even if they’re on the sunny side of Mars . . . we say: go for it!

Hey, we’re football fans, too.

But.

If you’ve noticed a decided chill in the home-sweet-home atmosphere starting in August pre-season that lessens a bit after the February Super Bowl, but that . . . well, kind of leaves a little residue of frost in your relationship all year long . . .

. . . you might want to ask yourself: is there a better way?

We mean, why isn’t your dearly beloved curled up next to you on the sofa in front of the TV, cheering along with you?

Perhaps – uh – celebrating with you after the game?

What’s that you say? She hates football?

Really? But football is fascinating, exciting, balletically graceful, even intellectually challenging.

So what is it she doesn’t like?

Oh, come on! Please don’t give us that “she doesn’t understand the game” crap!!!

You know darn well football is as easy to understand as peeling a banana.

So if she doesn’t understand the game, it must be because – aha! You haven’t taken the time to explain it to her!

And why might that be?

First, let’s accept that she may not have had your advantages growing up. The female of the species is less often initiated into the Joy of Sports than the male.

Also, bear in mind that adult learning tends to be more difficult than the childhood variety, so we admit this may require your patience and understanding.

Perhaps your tutorial might be softened by a slim (so as not to intimidate) paperback of football basics tied up with a pretty bauble, a love note tucked inside telling her how ardently you desire to share all of your life with her.

A nicely chilled bottle of champagne couldn’t hurt.

The main thing, though, guys, is: be gentle.

But be firm.

There’s a lot riding on this.

Consider what’s in it for you. Oh, yes: and for her, too.

You know: all those little side bets you can make during the game once she knows the basics. Will they go for a first down with a yard to go? Will it be a pass play or a running play?

Name the bet. A foot massage, perhaps. Or . . . well, you can figure it out. Be creative.

Then after the game, when you’re both euphoric – or perhaps in need of cheering up – collect your winnings.

If you’ve bet right, it’s a win-win kind of thing.

Cheers!

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Football, Relationships . . . and Brett Favre?

August 22, 2008

We’ll begin our Learn About Football, Improve your Relationship Series with some facts about an NFL legend.  Brett Favre.  After playing for the Packers in Green Bay, Wisconsin, for sixteen years, Mr. Favre has just signed with the New York Jets.  We live in New Jersey, but we’re right on the banks of the Hudson River, so we can shake our fists at New York from our living room window. 

 

Now, we think it’s truly cool that Brett Favre is now quarterbacking the New York Jets.  Even so, our proximity to New York is not why we’re writing about Brett Favre and the NFL.

 

It’s because the first question we were asked after our book was published was not about how the game is played, or even how to look sexy while watching Sunday Night Football.  It was about Brett Favre.

 

So this is in answer to our ophthalmologist’s wife, who felt dumb because all her husband’s friends were talking about Brett Favre, and she didn’t even know what a Brett Favre was.

 

Which brings up an interesting point about relationships: why didn’t the good doctor just tell his wife a little bit about Brett Favre?  See, here’s the thing: many of you guys complain about being asked “stupid questions” by your beloved while you’re trying to watch the football game.  But how can you learn if you don’t ask?

 

So our question is: why not take a little time to explain the game a couple of mornings over breakfast or on a game-less Tuesday evening?  Then maybe you could just root together in peace on Sunday night, yes?

 

Meanwhile, if some of you football mavens would share your knowledge with us by posting on this blog, you might have a peaceful breakfast, too.  Sound like a plan?

 

Anyway, we’ve got Brett Favre covered.  We’ll tell you all about him in our next post.  But feel free to add anything we may miss.

A Co-Op to Learn About Football, Improve Your Relationship, and Change the World

August 19, 2008

Learn about football. Improve your relationship. Change the world. We wrote the book. We thought we were done here.

We were feeling pretty smug, if you want to know the truth. Hey, we thought, with Football is for Lovers, you guys could learn enough about football so that you could watch a game, know what was going on, and even enjoy it. Plus (we thought, blushing) we showed you how learning football could be sexy so that you could use it to spice up your relationship. Heck, we even provided the wardrobe for you: basic black logo T-shirt and an infinite supply of official NFL jerseys.

And then, we put plenty of football factoids in the book so you’d know some cool stuff your beloved probably didn’t, so you could maybe feel a little smug, too.

And as if the book weren’t enough, we began writing a bunch of articles about football and relationships and like that, and we posted them to our website.

We mean, geez, guys. We already gave you the blueprint for intimacy, romance, sex, M&M’s, and whole new way of looking at football. We even threw in a Burma Shave sign.

What more could you want?

Well, we got the answer to that question pretty darn quick.

Seems like we didn’t tell you Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Football and Relationships after all. Well, we did warn you in the book that nobody knows everything, and nobody is ever completely ready for anything. Even so, when you feel dumb, you don’t feel sexy. When you feel smart, you do. So obviously we don’t want to leave you stranded with unanswered questions.

Okay, then. Here’s the plan: we’ll get this blog rolling with more football facts and relationship tips, and try to tell you what you want to know. Still, we’re only Bob and Kaye. Can we get a little help here?

Which brings us to the Big Co-Op Idea. You guys can ask whatever you want, and maybe we can all give each other some answers. About relationships, NFL teams and players, when it’s time to call a quarterback sneak, the best way to accessorize a Raiders jersey. Whatever. Bob and Kaye may not know everything, but among us all, we’ll bet we know quite a lot. Maybe even enough to change the world.

Bob and Kaye’s Mission Statement

August 17, 2008

Learn about football, improve your relationship, change the world. We’re Bob and Kaye, and that, in a nutshell, is the mission of our blog. We already wrote a book, Football is for Lovers, to kick things off. And, yes: the book is about learning football and improving your relationship. Changing the world may take a few more books. Meanwhile, we’re aware that even when it comes to learning football and improving your relationship, our book may not be quite enough. Hence the blog. Which we hope will become sort of a learn football/improve your relationship co-op, with you guys posting relationship tips as well as information about the NFL team of your choice. And maybe all that sharing will move us a little further toward changing the world.